Don't look up. That's what I'm learning about grad school. If you do you will get a burning uncomfortable feeling in your chest. Anxiety. It's like restless leg syndrome in your chest. Sometimes I wonder if I will pass all my classes. I ran into a third year student I know. I asked him if he was ever afraid he wouldn't make it. He said at least once a week. Luckily it hasn't been that bad for me but I would be lying if I told you I didn't think it was too much a time or two.
Autistic kids can get over stimulated in seconds. One minute they are calm, the next they are ripping your eye balls out. I guess that's what makes them autistic. One kid I was working with last week was basically falling asleep on me. I threw the ball to him and it just bounced off his forehead. Out of spite I kept throwing the ball at his forehead. I went up to him and tickled him. He lit up and laughed and screamed in pure excitement...and then peed all over the room. Lesson learned.
I'm learning about health. What causes high blood pressure and how can I lower mine with food. We learn this on a cellular level. It's as deep and as basic as it gets. Our bodies are constantly producing cancer cells and killing them off. I'm learning about what to eat. All this to say my body is doing weird things. I am understanding things on a cellular level and I am applying it. I feel incredibly healthy...and clean. School is improving my health.
My brain is full tonight. I can't mentally fit anything else into it. I tried. Katie was reading her Bible next to me and quoted a scripture from 2nd Peter. I said, "Liar, there's no 2nd Peter." She ran with it and quoted 3rd Kings. (There isn't one.) I was confused. I forget simple things, stuff that's important to me. You would think that with all the information being learned I would have a system for remembering names and password and that kind of stuff. No, it's much harder for me. Imagine just finishing a two hour exam and doing well and then staring at your combination lock to your bike. You've done it a hundred times but have to call your wife for the combination cause you just can't get it. Yeah, that's me.
Sometimes I wear my hospital scrubs out into the real world. I wear them to study and to the grocery store and around town. They are comfortable. Sitting and studying in jeans for long periods of time can get uncomfortable. So I wear scrubs. I've noticed people treat you different. "Ooooh he is smart or involved in medicine in some way." I think it's gross. Who knows where those scrubs have been. That's why I think it's gross when nurses wear scrubs in public. I don't know, maybe I shouldn't wear them.
I was studying yesterday at Barnes and Noble. There were some pharmacy students next to me. One guy was eating a bran muffin. The other guy grabbed it and they were physically fighting over it. I was like...is this seriously happening right now? It was uncontrollably thrown to another table and apologies were to follow. Are you kidding? Who in grad school physically fights over a muffin? I totally could have used force to take that muffin.
Sometimes I ask Katie if there is anything she wants to know. I do this cause I like talking about what I am learning. She doesn't have a clue what I am talking about. She just smiles in a way that says, "you know that I am smarter than you."
I studied all day today. It was fun.
'night.
1 comment:
C.R.S.(can't remember shit)at age 26!?!I would tell you when my struggles started but I can't seem to remember!Oh,by the way,Dementia,Alzheimers and something else I can't remember runs in your Mother's side of the family!
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